Stimulus

David was sweeping, sweeping.

Arlene adjusted her bra strap. Their herbal candle and soap shop was empty for the third straight day.

"I have an idea," Arlene said.

David continued sweeping.

"In these hard economic times, what to people want?" Arlene asked.

"Money, health care, food."

"No, people want magic."

Freebie

"I am here for the free cupcake and psychic reading."

I knew this free cupcake thing would work, Marie said to herself.

She deepened her voice. "I knew you were coming. Please sit down."

"When do I get my cupcake?" the young man asked.

"When the reading is done. Now sit."

The man sat down. He smelled like coffee and Doritos -- definitely a computer guy.

"Please give me your hand," Marie said.

The man held out his hand. Marie put both her hands around it. The man's hand was sweaty.

Marie closed her eyes. A strong vision appeared in Marie's mind. The man was in Marie's bathtub wearing a pirate hat. Marie was feeding him fish sticks.

Marie rolled her eyes and shook her head. Not again, she whispered to herself.

Chocolate Cake

I just realized that I put on two different socks when April walked in my office carrying a cake.

"I baked this cake for you. It's chocolate."

I took the cake from her. I tried to remember not to sit down and expose my footwear faux pas.

"Thank you, April." I glanced behind her at the hall to see if there was anyone else. "It's not my birthday."

"I know. Your birthday is November 23."

I paused. "It's not your birthday, is it?"

April frowned. "No."

Thank God, I thought. "Should I cut it now?"

"It's up to you. It's your cake."

"My chocolate cake."

April started walking toward my laptop. "You know what I don't like?"

I fought the urge to sit down. I followed her to my laptop carrying the cake. "No, what?"

"I don't like complacency."

I rubbed my ear with my shoulder. "Do you have a problem with my work?"

"No, I think you're doing a great job, your sales are up 1.1%, outstanding performance." She stared at my laptop screen. "It's this company as a whole. It's bigger than this company."

"Well, April, the economy is tough -- the cost of oil, inflation, the weak dollar, global warming, the election, the conflict in that place ... in Africa ..."

April grabbed the cake from me. "Did you ever want to take a cake and smash it in someone's face?"

I stared nervously at the cake. "Actually, no."

"I've seen that so many times on television. I've always wanted to do it." She smiled and motioned the cake toward my face. I flinched.

I cleared my throat. "There's a lot of stuff that's funny on television, but not in real life."

"I suppose you're right."

"Can I have my cake back?"

"Sure." As she handed the cake back to me she moved her face close to mine. She then spoke in a baby voice, "Can I have a widdle kiss?"

I pulled away. "I don't think that would be appropriate."

"You're breaking my heart." She turned and walked toward the door.

"Someday this company and America will be great again." She stopped and turned toward me, "You know you're wearing two different socks."

Wet Wednesday

It was another rainy Wednesday in Boston. Things were not too busy so I decided to spend time searching for rare Magic: The Gathering cards on eBay.

Missy walked into my office and flopped down into the chair. I turned my chair to face her.
"My shoes are soaked," she said and kicked off her leather pumps.

I turned my chair back toward my monitor. "Are you ready for the presentation to Victor?" I asked.

She put her naked feet on my chair. I felt myself flush and tried to concentrate on the Sword of Fire and Ice card on the screen.

"My slides are ready," she said.

"You have all the data you need?"

Missy worked her left foot into my pants pocket.

"Pie charts all ready," she said.

"Victor likes pie charts."

"Victor also likes to wear my pantyhose," she said and pinched me with her big toe.

April Enchantress

I had long suspected that Lisa was practicing witchcraft. She had a very large herb garden, yet I have never seen her cook anything except for Lean Cuisines. The witchcraft would also explain her affinity for cast iron cookware.

The image of her dancing around her backyard last night still twirls in my mind. The night was clear and the moon was full, making her skin appear white and glowing. Using my bincoculars I could tell that she was chilled by the April air.

Yes, Lisa put a spell on me that night, some kind of enchanted wood spell.

Obviously, the Lean Cuisines were working for her.

New Socks

The waitress, whose name I now know is Samantha, poured coffee for Ron and me.

"I need to stop before we get to Newark and buy new socks," Ron stated.

"Is the elastic bad?" I replied. "I hate that. There is nothing more annoying than having your socks fall down."

"No, I believe that the socks I am wearing are cursed."

I put down my coffee. "Cursed?"

He lifted his foot onto the table. "These are the socks I was wearing when that gypsy woman kicked me in the ankle in Pittsburgh."

I was silent. He put his foot back down.

"Don't you remember? The woman wearing the kerchief. She thought I cut in line at the Starbucks." Ron shook his head in despair. "I meant to throw them away, but my wife must have put them through the laundry. I was in so much of a rush this morning that I didn't notice."

Samantha returned. "I'm sorry, but we're out of chipped beef."

Ron looked me in the eye and raised his eyebrows.

Unbelievers

"How can I contact the spirit world with your cell phone ringing all the time?" Madison said staring at Sue.

"Sorry, I'll put it on vibrate," Sue replied pushing a button on her phone.

Zach leaned over to Sue and whispered, "Who are we trying to contact?"

"Princess Diana."

"Why are we trying to contact her?"

"I'm sensing negative energy in the room," Madison said with her eyes closed.

"We're trying to solve the mystery of her tragic and untimely death," Sue whispered to Zach.

"I thought it was a drunk driver."

"There are unbelievers in the room!" Madison shouted.

Zach let go of Sue's hand. "Let's try to contact Kurt Cobain."